I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older that making friends has become increasingly difficult. Unless you’re in school or have a job that doesn’t require you to be at home, making friends elsewhere is a huge pain in the ass. As a stay-at-home parent, it seems almost impossible to meet people and connect. And as a stay-at-home parent with crippling anxiety and living in a relatively new area, you can pretty much forget it (but not really, it’ll happen…so they say).
Every time I put myself out there, I feel like a creeper. I can’t help but wonder if I’m “doing it right” or if I’m coming off as ridiculous to the other person as I think I am. Somehow, I don’t think I am “doing it right” because my attempts never seem to stick. My in-person friendships always fizzle out due to conflicting schedules, lack of real connection…or I’m just super fucking awkward and they’re not about that. Regardless of reason, sometimes I feel like I’m just not meant to have friends since having a child. Unless I’ve met them online or I’ve known them for years, shit just doesn’t seem to be panning out for me. And even those friendships are iffy sometimes (more on that later).
I feel like I haven’t quite gotten over how drastically life changes after having a child. In the three years since having my daughter, the one thought that sticks with me the most is, “I used to be so good at making friends.” Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a shitbag and don’t realize it. I know I’m certainly not perfect, but I’m not sure I’ve done anything that warrants having no in-person friends at all. I have a lot of incredible friends I talk to online, a few of whom I’ve met face-to-face and really enjoyed being around, but after that initial hang-out, nothing happens again. It’s hard NOT to think it’s me. After all, it’s not impossible…
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I wish it was easier to make friends and keep them. I know I can’t be alone on this. I see the memes! Just know, if you’re reading this and you can relate, I got you and you can always message me if you’re ever feeling lonely and awkward, too. Some of the best people I know are people I’ve never actually met, so despite not being able to hang out, there’s still a great connection. Especially if you have a hard time functioning in social situations, like me.
And with all of that said, I’d like to add that I’m extremely grateful for the friends I do have. You’re all absolutely amazing and I can’t thank you enough for keeping me sane and showing me that I’m not the absolute worst (maybe just a little bit) and constantly reminding me that there’s good in this world. I love you ❤️